THE FIGHT
My 10-year-old cousin grabbed the paper from my desk and started waving it around. He yelled “Look, Cindy got an F on her paper!” I was already jumping to retrieve the paper. But it was harder than I anticipated. He just held the paper out of my reach. So, I did the most logical think and tackled him. I was not going to be subjected to the humiliation.
I was not going to have everyone see my failure. My failure to color a picture for my science class. My big fat red F at the top of my paper. So, quiet little Cindy fought for her dignity. Although, the fighting wasn’t really dignifying… The teacher waded into the fray and separated us. I was given my assignment back and we were sent to our corners. You would think that was the end of the story.
CONSEQUENCES
However, fighting in the classroom brought consequences. Roger received a kick in the pants that sent him flying out of the classroom door, 15 feet away. And I had to stay after school. Which would have been fine for most normal kids, but not for me. I was the quiet kid who never got into trouble. The girl whose mother had been an invalid for the past 2 years, the kid who’s hair was a mess. The kid who never got her homework done. I was that kid.
Being kept after school meant that I missed the bus. Which was a big deal. I lived 5 miles away from home. I had no one to call and no way to call. So after “doing my time” with the teacher, I wandered around outside the school in the deserted playground without any idea of what to do or where to go. I felt alone and abandoned. And then out of nowhere my grandmother came looking for me. She realized I was missing and came to find me. When she finally found me, I broke down in tears and sobbed all the way home.
FEEL THE LOVE
I have been thinking about how this incident affected me for the past several days. The only part of that memory I have remembered was the fight. I had forgotten all about the rest. I forgot that my grandmother had come looking for me and that I was not all alone that day. That, someone, did love and care about me and that someone did notice that I was missing. It’s funny how our memories rewrite history, isn’t it? I mean even with my own children, they all have 6 different stories about the same event. And all of the stories are different from the correct interpretation which is mine. (Wink)
FEEL THE LOVE LIST
So I started thinking of all of the other people that have been in my corner. The people who showed up when I needed them. I made a List. It is a list of anyone that has ever loved me or anyone that I have ever loved. My Papa and grandma were at the top of the list. I knew they loved me and would do anything for me. They were my biggest cheerleaders throughout their lives. It was obnoxious at times. I lived with them right after I was born for a while because my mother had to have surgery. I lived with them after my mother and father’s divorce and I moved in again when I was 17 with no place to go. There were many others on that list.
ANGELS AMONG US
The more I wrote the more I realized how much I am loved. Many of those people on the list are no longer with us anymore. But their love still lives on. I can access that love every day. Just by remembering those people that loved me and that were always there to cheer me on.
Because I want to feel more love, I have been praying for those people to be my ministering angels. They are the people that love me and were always in my corner. To celebrate Mother’s day this year. I encourage you to make your own love list and post it where you can see it and add to it every day. It is amazing what happens when there is a tangible list of people that love you and have always been a part of your life. There are Angels Among Us! Look for them. record them. The more you look, the more you will see. When we change what we focus on, we change what we see. That’s what Doodle Therapy is. Doodle Therapy changed how interpret my world.
I have created a free Feel The Love List printable for you here. Use it and start feeling the love.
Cindy is the author “Doodle Healing”. A fun, easy, and effective guide to design a life of purpose and joy no matter your circumstances.
She teaches Doodle Therapy courses designed to help women improve their emotional and mental health 40X faster with doodling than without.
I’m sorry that Roger made you feel dumb or unloved. I know he would regret ever doing that to you. As kids we do the dumbest things not ever thinking of others feelings or circumstances. He loved and admired you for being able to go through such a hard childhood and only ever said such good things about you. I hope he is one of your ministering angels. ❤️
Hey Babette,
Roger and I moved past our 10 year old selves a long time ago. If Roger were alive now he probably wouldn’t remember this incident. LOL. Roger became one of my best friends not long after this incident. Thank you for your kind words. I know he is one of my ministering angels. He was a blessing in my life.