There is a quiet pressure many women carry that rarely gets named.
It shows up as responsibility. As care. As love.
It sounds like, If I don’t handle this, who will? Or If I can just make this work, everyone will be okay. Over time, that pressure becomes the background noise of life. You don’t even realize how tightly you’re holding things together until you’re exhausted.
That’s where I found myself the day this episode was born.
The Day Everything Was Supposed to Work
All my kids were home. The house was full. The expectations were unspoken but loud. I wanted things to feel good. Comfortable. Right.
So I did what I’ve done for years. I tried to manage the experience.
Not in big obvious ways. In small ones. Tone. Timing. Energy. I was watching everyone, adjusting myself, trying to keep things smooth.
And then I decided to record a doodle lesson.
The lesson was called Scribble Christmas Trees. The idea was simple. Tape the shape of a pine tree. Scribble inside it. Let it be messy. Pull the tape off and see what appears.
Simple.
Except the video was dark. I had a black smudge on my nose. And I was whispering like I didn’t want anyone to hear me. I laugh about it now, but in that moment, I was worn out.
Trying to hold everything together had caught up to me.
When the Urge to Fix Shows Up
As I started scribbling inside the taped tree, I noticed how uncomfortable I felt. The lines looked wrong. The scribbles felt sloppy. My hand wanted to slow down, correct, redo.
That urge wasn’t about the doodle.
It was familiar because it’s how I move through life.
I start with love. And then I try to control how things turn out. How people feel. Whether everyone is okay. If everyone is okay, then I can relax. At least a little.
But that’s not care. That’s control.
And it’s exhausting.
Doing the Doodle Without Fixing It
When I finally pulled the tape off the paper, the tree appeared. It wasn’t perfect, but it had character. And then the paper tore.
Right along the edge.
Old me would have thrown it away or tried to hide the tear. But instead, I just sat there and looked at it.
I didn’t fix it.
I added a few lines and stars, not to make it better, just to support what was already there.
Something softened in me as I sat with it.
I wasn’t rushing. I wasn’t correcting. I was just letting it be.
And that moment felt familiar in a different way.
How This Shows Up in Real Life
I see this pattern everywhere now.
In how we parent. In how we show up in relationships. In how we manage family dynamics.
Many of us take on responsibility for how everyone else feels. If someone is uncomfortable, we step in. If something feels off, we try to smooth it over.
But people have their own thoughts. Their own reactions. Their own feelings.
Allowing that doesn’t mean you don’t care.
It means you’re letting go of a role that was never yours to carry.
Letting Things Be Doesn’t Mean Giving Up
This isn’t about checking out or lowering standards. It’s about noticing where you’re gripping too tightly.
When you stop fixing everything, you start to see what’s already okay.
You notice moments you were rushing past. You feel your own body again. You give other people space to be who they are instead of who you need them to be.
Life is still messy. There are still rough edges.
But messy doesn’t mean broken.
It means human.
A Practice You Can Try
If you want to explore this for yourself, try the Scribble Trees practice.
Tape a simple tree shape on paper. Scribble inside it without planning. Notice the urge to fix. Notice what comes up. Then pull the tape off and sit with what you see.
Let it be what it is.
If you’d like to see the original imperfect video that inspired this reflection, you’ll find it linked in the show notes.
When You’re Ready for Support
If you’re realizing how much you’ve been holding together, you don’t have to untangle that alone.
You can Book a Call with Cindy to look at what you’re carrying and what you’re ready to release.
You don’t have to fix everything.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is let it be.
Helpful Links and Resources
If you want to go deeper, here are a few places to explore next:
Watch the Podcast Episode here: https://youtu.be/N00qOw4rZPg
Learn more about Doodle Therapy here: https://doodletherapyuniversity.com/what-is-doodle-therapy/
Watch the original Scribble Christmas Trees video: https://youtu.be/dRIov6qG0lc
External reading: Psychology Today has helpful articles on perfectionism, emotional responsibility, and people-pleasing that expand on what we talked about here.
If you’re realizing how much you’ve been holding together, you don’t have to sort that out alone.
You can Book a Call with Cindy to talk through what you’re carrying and what you’re ready to release.
You don’t have to fix everything.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is let it be.
